Taoism
Shit happens

Konfuzianism
Konfuzius said: Shit happens

Buddhism
If shit happens, it is not really shit

Zen buddhism
What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism
This shit happened before

Islam
If shit happens, it is the will of allah

Protestantism
Let shit happen to someone else

Catholicism
If shit happens, then you deserve it

Judaism
why does this shit always happen to us?

New age
Affirm that shit does not happen to me

Atheism
I don´t believe this shit

Rastafarianism
Let´s roll this shit up and smoke it